Beaten.

As I was out with my friends for a meet up after years, I saw Amanda and David holding each other.

I was shattered.

Trembling with grief and anger.

I approached them and called out to her.

He left.

She gave me her typical excuses and reasons.

I asked her, " are you with him? "

She said no.

I called her to call him to come.

I knew he was apprehensive but he came.

Wham. I hit him. And he came.

All along, she kept telling me to stop. Even as I did being held by her. I felt safe. But he wasn't showing the same feelings. I wanted to hit him, I saw her in the way, I pulled back my punches, literally. He punched me irregardlessly. She said," Han! Please stop! "

I'm like, stop what?

Taunts came and go, I carried on with the fight as our momentary pause was killed by him. He pushed her to the side. Which enraged me further. I threw him off too. And then he asked whether she was alright. WTF.

YOU FUCKING SHOVED HER AND YOU ACT LIKE THAT?!?!?!

I bet she thinks it was me anyway. I'm hurt and disappointed. True enough my hot headedness has gotten the better of me. But I was never, NEVER, NEVER, given the benefit of the doubt from her.

I left.

Last I heard, he became her boyfriend after we broke up.

That's not what she said, is it?

As I type, my keyboard's flooded with my tears. I'm so fucking hurt.

2 days ago, on a Sunday, 17th June, I celebrated her birthday with her. I got her a present which I spent days on, and even on the last day, I skipped sleep just to do it. That newspaper cutting, which I made into a booklet with a gift from her. Brought her parents out, and spent whatever money I've scrimped so far just to get all these done. I'm stupid I know, stop reminding me. But I did it. I love her. So much.

Or rather, the Amanda whom I thought I knew.

Fuck. I'd never hit anyone since a long time.

I just saw them in Holland, where she and I did have a magical thing. Doing things we did. And what did she hafta say?

" I let you hold me even when we weren't together what. "

WTF.

What have I done?

Why all these shit?

Can anyone tell me where have I not done enough?

Argh.

Sigh.

FUCK.

I'm so fucking stupid.

Amanda, where are you? Where are you whom told me you loved me and never let go?

Help. Someone please. Help.


Help.