Why?

People ask me to move on. I know I will. At least try. But more often or not, they question WHY? Why be a lovelorn? Especially for A? After all I have done, good or bad, and what she has or has never done, why?

I want to express first and foremost, I've lost someone whom I truly loved before her. And I never got the chance to find out how much I loved T till the day she drove away. As for A, precisely I didn't want that to happen since the beginning! Who would want to get together to break up? What's the point? I look at all relationships long term. I ain't coming into the shack to look for a goodtime. I look at a potential spouse. To a fiercer extent, I look at a potential mother of my kids. I please her parents. Never did that for T. I buy A stuff. Same, never for T. Nevermind about the wine and dine too. Nonetheless, I have my flaws. I do wrong things, stupid things that hurt A, which eventually came back to hurt me.

I include A in my prayers ever since we got together, even till now. Thanking Him for her. And now, hoping that she be happy. I ain't acting noble. To be honest, I still feel unjust regarding that Mr D. of hers. But hey, be a sport and stop whining! I've lost. All's never fair in love and war. Guess I just couldn't and didn't play my cards right.

I'd just at least for now, steer clear of her. Lest I break down and cry like a little bitch that I hope not to show the world. But I would be there for her as long as she wants me to. The very first words I wrote on her palm when we got together 1st January 2006. In that very bus 75 at 6:50PM off Esplanade.

And I would still continue to visit Ally's grave whenever I'm free. Keep A's picture in my wallet till it's really time to remove it. And her photo in my phone when the time is right.

But she'd always have that special space in my heart that no one can replace. I swear.