Fever beaver.

It sucks to always fall sick. Well, I guess technically it's not always. Since I have yet to recover. Everytime i'm close to recovery, something new strikes me again. Queer. Just like in JC days. When I had infected blood.

Ever thought of someone whom you should had never thought about ever again? I am. Every single moment now. It's not that I want to, or actually don't want to. I don't know. It ain't right. Even after lotsa drama that's not very positive, you start to think about the beautiful and magical stuff that happens. But it's a vicious cycle really, cuz when you do ponder upon those nice thoughts, what hurtful things people say to you, overthrows all of it. Especially when they told you they loved you outta sympathy, and that you were pathetic, never to get a girl, and worst of all, they admit that it wasn't a particular moment BOTH of you shared. But with anyone else who came along. It madness really.

As I squint and struggle to type in this slow computer due to the fever feeding me with pangs of headache, the pain in the heart is by the gnawing of my memories.

Rhetorical questions and existentialistic shits come into my head, the what ifs and the whys. Honestly dude, it doesn't matter. Cuz it has all happened.

Like Samm said, see what happens in Darwin. Yeah we shall see. But I honestly think it no longer concerns my ass anymore. Even if I do bother with it, sorry, Han ain't no longer in the picture anymore babe. It's either that skinny faggot or someone else. Han never seem to be all that already.

Why can't she just take it in? Like I always had. Perhaps explains the unexplainable behaviour of raising my fists. But I had always taken it in for the greater good. Tolerance. Give and take. Where are those values anymore? Have I caused a greater BAD? Apparently he's got issues and treats her like dump, and she crawls back to em. What about Han? Regardless of those times i'm out with my friends and stuff, once she calls, I was there.

I'd always be here for you if you want me to.

I chose my words carefully before I offered it to her. Did she really think about what I said? I'm ALWAYS there.
It's really just a matter whether she wants me to be there. Comprehend?

And yet I always get the blame. I would love to always see her good side and her good side only. But right now
I bet my ass they have already made up and holding each other looking at the stars.

Something that I once enjoyed.

Sigh.